Tuesday, September 23, 2008

So, I had to open my ravioli with a hammer...

Today, I brought some ravioli in a can to work and I forgot to bring a can opener. I thought it was just one of the tops that had a pull ring on it, but I was wrong. I spent most of the morning staring at my computer, pretending to type, and thinking of different ways I could get my food open. Could I use a spoon? My keys? Could I bang it against the counter until it came apart? Well, none of those ideas sounded so great to me, so instead, I grabbed the hammer out of the tool kit (good thing I'm Inventory Manager, or I wouldn't have even thought of that.) I took it downstairs to the building's break room so my own coworkers wouldn't think I was a nutcase. Luckily, the room was empty and I was free to hack away at the can with the nail-remover side of the hammer. That thing dug in like a pickaxe! It was awesome! But then I heard some footsteps and I had to hurry and clean up my mutilated can before someone called the local mental health institution. I was a little creeped out by myself standing there, in the corner by the microwave, wiping the red stains off my hammer. In retrospect, I'm sure that made me all the more conspicuous to the confused onlookers, but oh well. And people just KEPT coming in! I NEVER see anyone in that break room because most of the business suites in the building have their own kitchenette areas. It was just my luck that I had to look like a freak in front of half the building.
Anyway, that was pretty funny. I felt like a moron, but the only person who actually said something to me about it was the girl I rode the elevator with. She seemed somewhere in between amused that I had a hammer and a broken can of ravioli, and frightened that I might be an insane man with a dangerous weapon.
So, let this be a lesson: If you are ever near a guilty-looking individual with red stains on the cuffs of his shirts and he's carrying a dirty hammer, don't automatically judge him. He might just be hungry and broke for the week.

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